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My life is brilliant 
What, was I too early?
Oh, sorry... Should I - do you wanna start over, or... 
Keep going? Okay... now? Now? 

My life is brilliant
Your life's a joke
You're just pathetic
You're always broke
Your homemade Star Trek uniform
Really ain't impressin' me
You're sufferin' from delusions of
Adequacy

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful, it's true
Never had a date
That you couldn't inflate
And you smell repulsive too
What a bummer bein' you

Well, you just can't dance 
And forget romance
Everybody you know still calls you...
Farty-Pants 
But you'll always have a job - well, I mean...
As long as you still can work that Slurpee machine

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful, it's true
You're half-undressed
Eatin' chips off your chest
While you're playin' Halo 2
No one's classier than you

La la la la, la la la la
La la la la loser

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful, it's true
Your dog would much rather play fetch by itself
You still live with your mom and you're 42
Guess you'll never grow a clue
Well, it just sucks to be you