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By Kris Kristofferson, Roger McGuinn, Bobby Neuwirth 

It started when the neighbors saw my fancy new T.V
That opens up the gate outside my home
And let's me let in anyone I really wanna see
And keep out all them other dudes I don't
Then one by one they started comin' over to perform
And someone played "Temptation" on kazoo
Nellie got as naked as the day that she was born
And it sure was all over Baby Blue

Chorus:
I've got electric eyes, two big dogs, and a mine-field
And miles and miles and miles of barbed-wire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
And we ain't had a good night sleepin' since

Orville Baker's showin' us the fastest draw in town
Cora Lee's clackin' on her spoons
Ol' Jesse's trick dog sure does look dead lyin' on the ground
And Jesse's wife is a-howlin' at the moon
Charly's ugly daughter sure can tap dance
Mable Thatcher's walkin' on her hands
And just as I was leavin' for the kitchen for a snack
Ol' Lulla Bell amazed us with her fans

Chorus:
I've got electric eyes, two big dogs, and a mine-field
And miles and miles and miles of barbed-wire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
And we ain't had a good night sleepin' since

Froney's got an act that's hard to follow
Norman plays a nimble tamborine
You should see what Sara Lee can swallow
And ol' Billy does a wicked "Mr. Clean"
Good Lord, if I'd've known this future when I started
Believe you me, I'd never change a thing
I got a closed circuit circus in my bedroom
And a world full of whackos in the wings

Get 'em Burt !

Chorus:
I've got electric eyes, two big dogs, and a mine-field
And miles and miles and miles of barbed-wire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
And we ain't had a good night's sleepin' since